a New Year’s reflection on happiness

Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.

–John Stuart Mill

For some more specific thoughts on happiness, in this season we have dedicated to it, see an op-ed, “In Pursuit of Unhappiness,” by Darrin M. McMahon, a professor of history at Florida State and author of the forthcoming Happiness: A History, in today’s New York Times.

Wishing a productive and prosperous new year to all,
M.

a message for the season of hope

Dear Friends,

From time to time I have mentioned The Mail Crew, by their self-description “[a]n information and support site for e-mail groups that encourage gay, lesbian, bi, and not-sure high school students to communicate with one another on a personal, at-home level.” In particular I like to share with people their touching story of how it started.

The Crew was kind enough to include me on a Thanksgiving mailing, which also included a link to Westlife’s cover of Josh Groban’s “You Raise Me Up.” What with the press of my dayjob, the conclusion of the last semester, and the beginning of the holiday bustle, I didn’t get around to answering them till today. As my finger hit the send button, it occurred to me that this would be another opportunity to remind you or inform you of their existence, and to connect my friends to something more hopeful than the last note I sent to some of you. Here’s the note I sent to the Crew:

Dear Crew,

Thank you for your kindness and thoughtfulness, and the touching gift. It’s been a pleasure offering some small support to your efforts, which still amaze me. More than once I’ve found a kind of onlline swagger in young gay guys that masks the isolation and alienation of their daily lives, and when the mask slips, It is always a pleasure and a relief having you available as peers and helpers to whom I can refer them.

[A] decade ago, I was driving the young man whose mother I’d helped see him through adolescence to his new life at university. I knew I wouldn’t see him for a while, and it was time, I thought, to sum up whatever wisdom or advice I could. It came to me that the core of that message was “Don’t let them kill you.” There’s always a “them”, and whether they want to throw you into the meatgrinder of neocolonial warfare or exploit you sexually or simply suck up as much emotional energy as they can for their own gratification or inadequacies, you need to know this and be vigilant. And of course, you need to know that the world is also full of love and grace, much of it simply there for the finding or asking. You have found love and grace, and courage, among yourselves, and have been wise and generous enough to want to share those blessings with others who need them. Bless you for that. You are a big part of what dwindling hope I have for this world.

Please accept my warm wishes for this holiday season and, as always, my

Love,
M.

There are signs of hope in this world, rare as they may be, or overshadowed as they may be by the portents of doom. I’m happy to share one of those signs with you.

Love and blessings to all,
M.

Homegrown Internet Pornography: Children as “Camwhores”

The 13-year-old boy sat in his California home, eyes fixed on a computer screen. He had never run with the popular crowd and long ago had turned to the Internet for the friends he craved. But on this day, Justin Berry’s fascination with cyberspace would change his life.Weeks before, Justin had hooked up a Web camera to his computer, hoping to use it to meet other teenagers online. Instead, he heard only from men who chatted with him by instant message as they watched his image on the Internet. To Justin, they seemed just like friends, ready with compliments and always offering gifts.

Now, on an afternoon in 2000, one member of his audience sent a proposal: he would pay Justin $50 to sit bare-chested in front of his Webcam for three minutes. The man explained that Justin could receive the money instantly and helped him open an account on PayPal.com, an online payment system.

“I figured, I took off my shirt at the pool for nothing,” he said recently. “So, I was kind of like, what’s the difference?”

For more, read the New York Times article by Kurt Eichenwald that is the source of the text above (19 December 2005, A1).

edit, 4/23/06: This Times article is now archived (meaning no longer available free online directly through nytimes.com except to TimesSelect online subscribers). However, subsequent attention to this story, including by Oprah Winfrey, has given it some traction, and you may find it available (along with links to Winfrey’s site and to other media coverage and metacoverage) through the source notes for the Wikipedia article on Justin Berry.

a woman’s work is always expandable

Travelers are raving about the enormous, fluffy new beds that the nation’s biggest hotel chains are spending millions on as they one-up each other in an escalating mattress war.Like any war, this one is not without casualties.

The same beds that are so kind to travelers’ backs are wreaking havoc on hotel housekeepers who wrestle with the behemoths — not to mention the amazing array of pillows, duvet covers, down comforters, 300-thread-count sheets, shams, bed skirts, bolsters and bed scarves that need daily tending.

For more, read the San Francisco Chronicle article by Carolyn Jones that is the source of the text above (19 December 2005, A1).